Sunday, October 19, 2008

A Maverick is Never Very Far From a Horse's Ass

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Yawn. Is the campaign over yet? A train wreck is fun to watch for only so long, but then it gets dull. Behold The derailed Insane McCain Campaign Train. Its usefulness now is simply as the perfect place to conduct a field study of the behavior and habits of the North American Moron.

I refer to the hordes of idiots who are showing up at Palin-McCain gatherings and displaying unprecedented levels of ignorance. Videos of the hate rallies and the ugly, nasty, vocal, unashamed racist fools who attend are sprouting up like things that sprout up a lot. (Wittier analogy unavailable at the time of this writing.)

While studying the North American Moron, I'm struck by the superficiality of the attacks on Obama. He is right about McCain, and doubly right about McCain supporters. They will do anything to prevent the campaign from being about issues that matter (specifically, the economy, U.S. infrastructure and wars.)

Let's review the most popular of the Insane McCain Supporter's memes:

* * *

Wordplay B.S.
Transposing the B to an S in Obama's name cleverly converts his last name to the first name of a known terrorist. This reminds me of the time I altered a McDonald's sign with removable letters. "Now hiring all shifts!" became "Now hiring all shits!" Both examples of childish wordplay have the same impact on the future of America. That is to say, none.

Repeated capitalization of Obama's middle name: Barack HUSSEIN Obama. By virtue of emphasizing a man's middle name, we deduce with horror that he, um, he has a middle name! McCain's moron squad brings emphasis to Obama's middle name as if calling someone Hussein is sufficient enough to be an insult. Then they claim the Middle East hates them for their freedom. No, the Middle East hates you because you're stupid. I, however, think you're hilarious. Hilariously stupid, that is. As for me, I'd love to have a guy named Hussein in the white house. Imagine Osama bin Laden, hiding in his Bush-sponsored villa in the wilds of Pakistan as he lectures future Al-Qaeda warriors: "The USA hates everything about Islam, Muslims and Arabic culture!" "But, um, Mr. bin Laden, why then does their president have the middle name of Hussein?" "D'oh!"

Arabs Among Us
Another classic: Obama is an Arab. He's not, but if he were, so? What exactly is an Arab, anyway? Is it a race? I can understand "Arabic" as defined to mean "From the vicinity of Saudi Arabia." If he's an Arab, what am I? Americanish? In what category does Arab fall, anyway? The impact of someone's heritage on their capability? It's the same as the North American Moron's I.Q: Zero.

Remember when being a terrorist meant you had actually killed someone?
Obama is a terrorist (or close enough) because he crossed paths with William Ayers, a guy who did some bombings. Did Obama take part in any violent acts? No. Did Obama endorse any violent acts? No. Did Obama assist in any way with violent acts? No. Is Obama repeatedly seen consulting with the man behind the violent (yet-non-injury-producing) acts? No. Did Obama condemn the violent acts? Yes. So from all this, we deduce Obama knows and interacts with other human beings. I suspect we are all guilty of this as well.

Socialist! It's bad because, um, well, it just is.
McCain says Obama (and his policies) are socialist. You're supposed to already be programmed to know that socialist equals very very bad. So Obama's plan to tax and assist in governmental infrastructure is somehow more socialist (meaning bad) then McCain's plan to tax and fund wars. The US government is such a large and complex machine, it has elements of socialism, communism, fascism, dictatorships, etc. depending on where you look.

A Maverick Is Never Far From A Horse's Ass
Every bit of evidence of disorganization, self-contradiction, and obvious buffoonery by Palin-McCain is spun as a thing to celebrate. The justification is: What else should you expect when you get two "mavericks" together? But is it a good thing to be a maverick? Does that mean if Maverick A says we should go left, Maverick B will say let's go right, just to prove his or her maverickness? Would a maverick even call itself a maverick? I think Margaret Thatcher already addressed this when she said: "Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you're not."

Recently the Philadelphia Inquirer endorsed Obama, sort of. Hoping not to offend a single reader by presenting a clear opinion, they also published a minority report editorial that endorsed McCain on the same webpage. Since I support Obama I would not be challenged by the pro-Obama article, so I headed over to read the pro-McCain article. I have to be truthful and admit I didn't read the whole thing. My eye immediately caught two references to POW and I didn't bother. I never again want to hear what McCain was doing 30 years ago. Heroic or exaggerated, that has absolutely zero impact on how he is conducting himself today. He is out of touch, often angry, 90% Bush, and selected Sarah Palin, a clueless dolt, for a VP. The implication of mentioning McCain's POW experience is that he learned something from it. I challenge that conclusion. McCain was smeared by robocalls before and now he is doing the same to Obama. The facts therefore indicate that McCain does not always draw lessons from his experience.

* * *

Make it stop! Ugh. If I wanted to, there's many more examples, but I don't have the endurance. I just can't catalog the dumbness as fast as McPalin and Co. churn it out.

Now Palin is talking about Pro-American parts of America, and where the Real America is. Is one of the candidates for one of the most powerful positions in the world, really talking about things like this? Is she really unaware that people everywhere can be likable or hate-worthy, and almost always they are both? Apparently, she is. An organization (ACORN) is being scorned because they worked on the (apparently evil) goal of registering people to vote. I can't even bring myself to scoff in detail at the imaginary characters in the Palin-McCain campaign: meaning, Joe Six-Pack and Joe the Plumber. (Are they they same person?)

As the cherry on top of this crap sundae, Republican Congressdope Michelle Bachmann is now calling for a committee to investigate Obama's supposedly anti-American beliefs. I guess because the House Committee on Un-American Activities and McCarthyism have been so vindicated by history.

Is the campaign over yet?

Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Where Did This Come From? is also available as an eBook. For more info, visit Larry Nocella's website at


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