Did I just throw away my winning lottery ticket? – Or – How I almost died and Why I volunteered to not become a millionaire.

Okay, here’s what happened. This weekend I went grocery shopping and came across a health drink that I really enjoy.

Wait! Don’t go! Stay with me, this gets more interesting. I know so far it’s in the vein of most blogs: the Boring Everyday Details genre, but it will get more exciting, I promise!

So – I’m psyched. The local grocery store is now stocking this beverage I love. So I scoop a bunch up and vow to return every day. Everything seems okay, but then I’m drinking the drink today and something hits my teeth, a solid something. I bite into it and pull my mouth away. It’s a piece of plastic about one-half inch square, with one corner sliced off so it’s a rhombus, or a trapezoid, or – I don’t know. It’s hard and sharp and I almost swallowed it.

Inspecting the plastic jar and its cap, everything is whole. I find no evidence that this jagged piece came from my bottle. Therefore, I must conclude that the jagged plastic piece was in my drink. Reflexively I threw away the evil plastic piece and thought to myself, “Whew! That was close. If I had swallowed that, who knows what would have happened!”

Time dragged on and I thought, “Wait a minute: could I sue the company? Could I get a zillion dollars since they almost killed me?” An angel perched on one shoulder, a devil on the other. The devil was begging me to sue, the angel was telling me to let it go. What to do?

As usual when angels and devils battle for my decision, I grabbed them both, knocked their heads together and went my own way.

First, I can’t let it go. I must state the facts so that no one else can get hurt. So here they are: The drink was Naked Juice (nakedjuice.com), a Mighty Mango. The markings on the bottle are: ENJOY BY MAY 01 07, 01A7031M, 00:01 MM. I also called Naked Juice customer service and alerted them to what happened, praising their drink, but criticizing their bottling procedures. I was promised some coupons, as well as other “enclosures” – not sure what that means, a t-shirt maybe? They also said they would send a postage-paid envelope which I can use to send the offending bottle and offending piece of plastic back to them for inspection.

Another thing I can’t do is entertain a lawsuit. Did they REALLY try to kill me? Was this an example of negligence? I can’t say that unless I find another piece of plastic in my next drink. I must say the first one I had was delicious and plastic-shard free, as was the one I had after. Plus, it would suck that I just found a store near my home carries the drink, only to chase them off with a lawsuit. Lastly, I can’t stand legal proceedings. They’re so dry, devoid of logic, and any human relations. I often wonder how many lawsuits could be avoided if all parties sat down and honestly tried to understand each other instead of pulling out their weapons (lawyers.)

So that, my friends, is where the story ends for now. The docile angel on my left shoulder is frowning, annoyed that I gave anything away. The devil on my right shoulder is freaking out, screaming, “You idiot! You just threw away a million dollars!”

The angel is too docile: I have to make the facts public and complain to the company so no one else gets hurt. The devil is too aggressive: I would love to be rich, but do I really want it this way? Who says I would even win? And then I’d be just another idiot who tried to exploit my own misfortune and someone else’s mistake. I’d also be adding a stupid example to people who are anti-lawsuit period, even in cases where companies are genuinely negligent.

Screw the demons and to hell with the angels. I just wanted a damn drink.

===
Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Also, for a limited time, Where Did This Come From? is available as an eBook for only ONE DOLLAR. Visit Larry Nocella's website at www.LarryNocella.com.

Watching Hollywood like a hawk. Watching Washington like a blind duck. – Or – Preventing Vietnam War Part 3: Iran with Secret Weapon Paparazzi.

Just for one week, I’d like to try an experiment. I’d like to take all the Hollywood reporters, the paparazzi, and switch their beat with the reporters in Washington, D.C.

It would be fascinating to watch. Imagine Bush and Cheney unable to get into their limos, or eat dinner in peace, because they were being bombarded by flashing cameras and questions shouted at them: “Mister Cheney? Do you have any interest in prolonging the Iraq war because of your ties to Halliburton?” and “Mister President? Can you honestly say that you have no interest in military action against Iran?”

Back in Hollywood, the political reporters, much more tolerant of their subjects dodging, would fit nicely with the issues they are covering. “Hey Britney, why did you shave your head? Because you felt like it? Ok. Thanks. That’s all I wanted to know. If you say you felt like it, well, I’ll just accept that and go home.”

Somehow the media has their reporters assigned to roles completely opposite of their skills. The bloodhounds, the Hollywood reporters, are relentless, merciless in their desire to get a juicy picture or good quote, all over issues of extreme superficiality: who are they dating? What clothes are they wearing? What’s their new hairstyle? Frankly, the whole thing seems to me like pedophilia on a nationwide-gang-bang scale. A large portion of the celebrity targets are teenagers, or in their early twenties. Yet each tiny detail of their lives is fondled by people two, three or four times their age.

In contrast to the Hollywood piranhas, Washington reporters are docile, accepting of what they’re told, and don’t press on too much. All this on issues that decide how many millions of people live or die. It’s been said before that meekness of the press was a contributing factor to the mess that is Vietnam War part 2: Iraq. If only Washington reporters had been a little more aggressive in their questions. They could have asked, “Mister president, Iraq’s military was brought to its knees in the first Iraq war. Why is it necessary to occupy the nation?” When the president gave his fifth or sixth reason during his list of changing reasons, they would latch onto that and never let go.

Maybe I’m being too hard on Washington reporters. There’s a sort of paradox involved in their job, and I don’t know what a solution might be. That is, a Washington reporter is supposed to dig for a story, but if they dig too hard, they simply won’t get invited to press conferences any more. A reporter should dig up dirt, but if they do, what politician is going to give them a scoop via a leak? If they do their job with relentless aggression, one good story is all they’ll get. Then no one in power will talk to them for fear of getting busted.

I don’t know what a solution for this might be, except perhaps mandating by law that a politician must answer all questions put to him or her. Or that there be a rotating pool of reporters with access to all levels of government for questioning, a sort of enforced citizen journalism.

This ties in a little with another phenomenon. In the world of critical thought, people are much more vicious in their critiques of silliness by Hollywood celebrities. A perfect example of these backward priorities is the stupid book, 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America by Bernard Goldberg. This book, like so many other critiques of American society, takes special aim at entertainers. Admittedly, I didn’t read the book in detail, but when I browsed it in a bookstore, found that several of those criticized for “screwing up America” were people from Hollywood, or other artists, musicians, celebrities.

Celebrities have no real power. They have fans and that’s about it. They don’t control the direction of tax money, they don’t control any military, they aren’t America’s representatives to a world that hates us. Entertainers don’t have real power. Politicians do. Why the naked aggression toward Hollywood, and the wimpy obedience to Washington?

If we want to get the story from power, we’re going to have to get the people with the guts to go get it in the place where power truly is. Who’s with me? Hollywood reporters, Washington reporters. 1-2-3 SWITCH!

“Mister Cheney, are you sure you’re wearing underwear?”

Okay, maybe the idea’s not perfect. I guess it’s up to us citizens to prevent Vietnam War part 3: Iran.

===
Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Also, for a limited time, Where Did This Come From? is available as an eBook for only ONE DOLLAR. Visit Larry Nocella's website at www.LarryNocella.com.

One and Done, and The Indestructible Earth: classic symptoms of Global Warming Denial

One and done.

It’s a mental strategy of people in denial. I’m sure you’ve encountered it before. No matter how convincing an argument, no matter how many facts presented to them in favor of a viewpoint, if the denier can find just ONE example of something out of sorts, they write off the entire proposal.

Some examples: Politics: An anti-war protestor MAY have spit on a pro-war person. The one-and-done person responds: well that completely invalidates anything and everything the anti-war movement has to say. Science: I know a vegan who once caught a cold. One and Done? Therefore, it’s not a healthy diet. Society: One person of (Ethnic Group X) is a jerk. One and Done says, therefore, I hate them all.

Etc.

The latest and greatest manifestation of this phenomena is the denial of Global Warming. It goes like this: Well, it sure is cold today, therefore, I believe Global Warming is a complete crock. I don’t need to stop driving my three miles per gallon SUV, thank god.

It’s everywhere and it’s ridiculous. It also shows a lack of understanding of Global Warming. The issue is that temperatures on average are rising. It doesn’t mean the whole earth is turned into a sauna immediately. Global Warming means that temperatures are warmer. So in the winter, yes, it’s cold, but many years ago, it was much colder. And the summers are getting hotter as well.

The temperature rising means more trouble for people everywhere because of the impact on the earth we need to live on. (http://www.climatecrisis.net/thescience/)

Another symptom of Global Warming Denial is this: The earth’s been around for billions of years, humanity can’t destroy it.

That’s ridiculous too, because the earth has been around for billions of years, but for 99.99+% of that time, it was an inhospitable rock, as exciting (and as livable) as your average abandoned parking lot. I’d prefer for it not to return to that status. No, humanity can’t destroy the earth, but they sure can make it a sucky place (or even impossible place) to live.

Why the denial? Is driving an SUV (and paying through the sphincter for the privilege) so important to some people? I guess it is. Hell, it’s the premise I built my novel around: in the face of overwhelming evidence, of a clear moral choice, lots of people just shrug and refuse to change. Denial is preferable to change!

The only problem here is that Global Warming isn’t a brilliant and entertaining work of fiction by an upstart writer, it’s real life. So we’ll have to just keep presenting the evidence and break through that denial.

===
Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Also, for a limited time, Where Did This Come From? is available as an eBook for only ONE DOLLAR. Visit Larry Nocella's website at http://www.larrynocella.com/.

Something In Common With People in Iraq (or, Fighting Crusade Nostalgia)

Whenever I hear a truly insane American like Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell speak their trademark ignorant comments, I roll my eyes. For some reason, the media flock to these whack-jobs and ask for their opinions. Why? Why does the media keep giving these loonies free publicity? (Fortunately, these two have been quiet recently and haven’t said anything ultra-stupid publicly yet. However, with a presidential election starting up, it’s only a matter of time.)

It upsets me because I imagine foreigners watching these jerks. I wish there would be a reminder on the screen, “These fools don’t speak for all Americans. Believe me, there are plenty of us who are tolerant, who don’t want to kill everyone we disagree with.”

To me, this Iraq war thing totally smells like what I call “Crusade Nostalgia.” I think a scary percentage of people just don’t care. Wherever they live, as long as everything is okay with them, then it doesn’t matter if other people are dying or suffering. They just don’t care or worse yet, they think it’s a good thing. They find the deaths of complete strangers acceptable as long as those people are a different skin color or a different religion.

So maybe jerks like Falwell and Robertson do represent America! Falwell on Iraq: God is Pro-war (http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=3685) Robertson on Iraq: Criticism of the war in Iraq "amounts to treason."(http://mediamatters.org/items/200512120002) No, definitely not ALL of America. I can’t think that I’m alone in getting annoyed that the media flocks to a select group of cruel weirdos and thereby end up presenting them as our representatives to the world.

For instance, there must be some citizens of Iraq or Afghanistan that feel the same way. They must just roll their eyes when they witness the US media flocking to the latest murderous whack job who spouts some anti-American threat. I can see them thinking the same thing I do: “These fools don’t speak for all Iraqis (or Afghanis). Believe me, there are plenty of us who are tolerant, and don’t want to kill everyone we disagree with.”

Maybe the people in Iraq (and Afghanistan) who feel that way have fled, or they stay silent for fear of a violent reprisal. Or maybe when they finally do speak up, their voices just aren’t broadcast with the same enthusiasm. The Iraqi and Afghani people may be worlds away, but I suspect frustration with the telescoping effect of the media might be something we have in common.

The media is the only real contact I have with anyone in Iraq, but when I see how the media acts here, I can infer how it might act somewhere else as well. I can also infer how Iraqis feel from universal human nature. If I lived in Iraq, I’d be sick of the media flocking to the nut-cases. I really am at loss for how to address this, other than to not base my views of a whole people on a few select media jerks, and hope that others do the same.

===
Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Also, for a limited time, Where Did This Come From? is available as an eBook for only ONE DOLLAR. Visit Larry Nocella's website at www.LarryNocella.com.