Today I will speak about the fact that I have nothing to say.

It’s spring! At least it is where I live. The cold is breaking, the sun is shining, the grass is growing and buds are showing! It’s time to get out and have fun! There’s something exciting about this weather that makes me forget all my troubles and commitments.

But wait a minute, there’s a blog to be written! You’ve got to keep your website content fresh! screams the endless spam from internet marketing companies. Nonsense, I say! Well, it is true, but freshening up my site’s content can wait. When the weather is nice, I’m going out. If the news is slow and nothing is burning my ass or igniting my passion, I’m taking the day off.

I’ve always taken my time when writing. It’s a habit in open defiance of the Opinion Industry. Maybe a better term for it is the Outrage Industry. Whatever label you choose, I’m referring to media characters who are in (or rather, ACT like they’re in) a perpetual state of rage at all they see wrong. They project a persona one split second away from a shooting spree. There are two possibilities: either the person is genuinely always that angry and therefore needs serious psych help, or they are acting angry in order to exploit the more fearful natures of a customer base, in which case they’re an asshole.

Speaking of, it should therefore be no surprise that Rush Limbaugh does illegal drugs. There’s no other way for a human being (assumption, I know) to sustain such anger (mock or genuine) over such minutia for such a long period of time. Sure, there’s money to be made, and people long for community even if that community’s unifying principles are anger and hate, but that beast needs constant feeding.

As for me, sometimes I just don’t feel like talking. Everyone knows what the core issues are. A sampling: Religion is still being used as a power tool and not as a way to peace. Wars are still being fought by the poor and the rich who aren’t fighting them (but started them) are making money off the poor’s deaths. War is a business and business seeks to expand and perpetuate. I have spoken against those things and I will again.

However, today the sun is shining and the weather is mild so repeating those crucial points can wait. For now, I’m going out to relax. When it comes to writing, if I can’t be sincere, I’m silent. If my heart doesn’t threaten to explode unless it can express itself, I can’t be bothered. Business-wise, maybe it’s a flaw, but as an artist, I find it’s a blessing. No artistic action is wasted on insincerity.

With that, I’ll see you in the sun! I’m out!

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Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Also, for a limited time, Where Did This Come From? is available as an eBook for only ONE DOLLAR. Visit Larry Nocella's website at www.LarryNocella.com.

When is a story a story and when is a story a Psy-Op?

When you’re looking in from the outside, everything seems different.

I’ve always been impressed at how people believe they are keenly astute when observing other ethnic groups, yet in their home turf, they’re subject to similar failings of a different flavor. For example, a lot of times, when Whitey is lecturing on civility in society, he’ll adopt a tone of surprise at the anger and rage his African-American neighbors feel. Whitey just doesn’t get what it’s like to live up against racism.

People are sharp when perceiving the flaws of an ethnic group different than their own. So, with that in mind, I caught myself as I concluded that this story was ridiculous:

Iran outraged by Hollywood war epic. AFP, Tue Mar 13, 2007. 8:09 AM ET

To summarize, it seems some Iranians are not happy with the way the Persian empire is portrayed in the movie 300. In case you don’t know, the movie is a very stylized telling of the Battle of Thermopylae that took place around 480 BCE. That battle involved an extremely small force of Greek warriors (the Spartans) holding off a much larger force of Persians by blocking their advance through a small mountain pass. The constrained quarters reduced the advantage of the much larger army. The delaying action gave Greece time to mobilize a more appropriate military response.

The movie, I felt, was pretty cool. It didn’t exactly scream realism. There are all sorts of deformed and over-sized creatures hurled at the Greeks. It makes for an exciting film. Each attack wave is a new challenge: how do the Spartans defeat elephants? Rhinos? Archers? Giants? Etc.

From my own personal view, the only time my racism-meter was activated during the movie was when some Persians were portrayed as dark-skinned Africans. This set up an eerie feeling of black horde vs. white elites. Race-riot, anyone? To be fair, within the context of the story, that can be explained away by the fact that the Persian army was a patchwork of peoples from many conquered nations around the world.

Getting back to today and the Iranians: according to that news story mentioned above, many were upset because they believe this was just some Psy-Op by America to make everyone believe that Iran was always a source of evil, and that modern Iranians were descended from vicious, violent savages. This would then clear the way for Iraq War Part 3: Iran.

“That’s ridiculous,” I thought as I read the criticism. Then again, as an insider, maybe I don’t realize exactly how much of our nation follows the cues of the movie industry. As outsiders looking in, maybe Iranians see just how much American society mimics Hollywood, and they’re getting a little bit nervous.

Besides, I’m not entirely innocent. I’ve been suspicious of the entertainment world for my own reasons:

All my ancestors came from Italy to the USA, so I’ve often raised a rich, dark, thick Italian eyebrow at the fact that in the TV show Happy Days all the thug-like characters have Italian names: Arthur Fonzarelli, Chachi Arcola, Leather Tuscadero, Pinky Tuscadero, etc. What’s that all about, paisan?

Lately, I’ve even been a little suspicious of Christina Aguilera’s image make-over. She looks like a World War II pin-up, singing old-style tunes in the vein of Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy. Does this have something to do with supporting the war effort?

You never know with those damn Psy-Ops.

All I can say is I hope that people aren’t swayed to support a war by the way a pop star looks. I hope Americans don’t formulate their opinions of modern day Iranians based on a movie which was based on a comic book about a battle that happened almost 3,000 years ago. Lastly, I really hope that the USA does not declare war on Iran. War is wrong and I believe most Iranians don’t wish most Americans any harm. In fact, I think we’re in a similar boat: our leaders are lunatics that are making our entire nation look stupid.

We’ve got some common ground, Iranians! I wish you no harm unless you wish it on me. Peace to you!

P. S.

SPOILER ALERT! Do not read further if you don’t want to know what happens at the end of the movie!

One more thing about the movie to make the Iranians feel better: I was wondering, if the Greeks were such brilliant strategists, why, in the climactic ending, didn’t they ALL throw their spears at Xerxes? Why did only Leonidas take the shot? One guy and one spear is bound to miss, but a few hundred spears thrown at one target, and we’ve got to edit some history books! So there you have it, Iran: Greeks aren’t always smart. Oops. No offense to Greeks there. Look, I love everyone unless they give me reason not to, ok? Sheesh.

SPOILERS END HERE. (Controversies guaranteed to continue.)

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Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Also, for a limited time, Where Did This Come From? is available as an eBook for only ONE DOLLAR. Visit Larry Nocella's website at www.LarryNocella.com.

What is Bill Clinton’s penis doing these days?

I’m not in the habit of giving war-profiteering thugs ideas for prolonging their bullying, but maybe it’s the spring air warming my heart. I just feel compelled to give Cheney and Bush and Rove an idea. Since Bush is touring South America and nearly everyone there hates him, and since Cheney is hiding after essentially being busted for setting up poor Scooter, I’m going to give Rove a mulligan (a.k.a. a pass, a bye, a break) in honor of the impending Saint Patty’s day (being as Mulligan sounds Irishy.)

So here we go. Here’s the message you need to push, Mr. Rove. Hit that red button, send that mass email to all your conservative operatives (the radio talk show hosts that need something to parrot, the newspapers and cable shows that need to fill the space between the erectile dysfunction advertisers.) Here’s the message of the month:

What is Bill Clinton’s penis doing these days?

Helen of Troy possessed the “face that launched a thousand ships.” Bill Clinton possesses the “penis that launched a thousand newscasts.” Remember those exciting days of the 90s, Republican die-hards? An entire nation was brought to a standstill (I’m not going to say brought to its knees, that’s too easy.) All by one man’s (apparently) superbly interesting cock. At least, I hope it’s superbly interesting, after all, it was worth millions of dollars that could have gone to something much less superbly interesting, like healthcare.

It’s time, Karl. Let Dick Cheney pretend he’s living his ultimate fantasy and launching the nukes. Have him head into the concrete basement, past all kinds of futuristic security checkpoints, confirming thumb-print, retinal scan, erratic heart-beat, etc. Then, deep in the bowels under the Pentagon, in the nuke-proof bunker, cryogenically frozen until it was needed by a lost people again, the sacred object that kept Faux News busy for years: Bill Clinton’s penis. Is that a tear I see, creeping from the corner of Mister Cheney’s eye? Is that rattling the increasing pounding of the crumpled tinfoil that passes for his heart? I believe it is.

“It’s time. You’re needed again,” Mighty Dick says as he defrosts the mighty dick. Steam fills the room, and the dick defrosts. As the smoke clears, the penis tumbles forward from its cryogenic chamber. Dick stands back, horrified. But then Bill’s mighty member rises from the floor, ready to go, as always.

“Let’s party!”

That’s your strategy for now, Mister Rove, the classic you need to go back to. Stick with what works. You’ve got nothing else.

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Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Also, for a limited time, Where Did This Come From? is available as an eBook for only ONE DOLLAR. Visit Larry Nocella's website at www.LarryNocella.com.

New Novel Selling for Only One Dollar - News Release for Immediate Release

New Novel Selling for Only One Dollar
Author proudly announces new novel available as an eBook through Amazon.com subsidiary, Mobipocket.com

NEWS RELEASE FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Author Larry Nocella is proud to announce the availability of his new novel, Where Did This Come From? for only ONE DOLLAR. This discounted price applies only when the book is purchased as an eBook through the Amazon.com subsidiary Mobipocket. To read Mobipocket eBooks, you must download a free eBook reader to your mobile device or PC. For more details, visit www.Mobipocket.com. Nocella said the following about the development:

“One of the themes of Where Did This Come From? is environmental protection. I want to make an even larger statement. eBooks are one way to help reduce paper consumption, so I’m offering my book at a low price to help kick-start the trend.”

“Like many people, I was initially resistant to the idea; I love the feel of paper and holding a book, not an electronic device. However, I’m not comfortable with the amount of paper books can use.”

“For most books, I read them once and then I’m done. I pass it on to a friend, or donate it to a library. Ultimately it ends up in a recycle or trash bin. Why use so much paper for something that is only going to be read once? Also making a case for eBooks are books with large initial print runs that are projected to sell big, but don’t. Those are recycled and/or trashed as well.”

“I know electronic devices don’t grow on trees. You could argue that making electronic devices also harms the environment. But you can hold thousands of books in one and not harm any more trees. eBooks aren’t perfect, but they’re another way to reduce paper usage, and that’s a good thing.”

Based in the fictional South American nation of Palagua, Where Did This Come From? follows the Huapi tribe’s desperate struggle for survival. When a leading U.S. toy manufacturer discovers a rare and beautiful crystal on the Huapi’s sacred land, mining operations begin immediately. Christmas shopping season is coming, and toys made from the crystal are phenomenal sellers. Soon the Huapi find themselves and the jungle that supports them on the brink of annihilation. Can they hope to resist the desire of consumers who never bother to ask, Where Did This Come From?

To purchase Where Did This Come From? by Larry Nocella, visit www.Mobipocket.com, or www.Amazon.com. You can also visit Larry Nocella’s website at www.LarryNocella.com.

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Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Also, for a limited time, Where Did This Come From? is available as an eBook for only ONE DOLLAR. Visit Larry Nocella's website at www.LarryNocella.com.

Critics Reveal Shocking News That People Don’t Always Live Up To Their Ideals, Set Off Massive Yawning Epidemic

Okay, so lately, some collection of wankers has tried to attack Al Gore for his energy consumption. (See this news story: http://wcbstv.com/national/topstories_story_059120819.html.) Gore defends himself by saying he offsets his energy use by supporting non-carbon-emitting projects, achieving carbon-neutrality.

Yawn.

There’s a lot of hype right now around an approach to thinking called The Secret and The Law of Attraction. To summarize those ideas: positive thinking and creating the mental environment that welcomes and enhances good fortune, etc.

I’d like to suggest an even stronger Law of Attraction: attracting idiots. The instant you say you stand for something, you will magnetize and a bunch of nit-picking ninnies will flock to your side to point out how you are a hypocrite, therefore, every single thing you suggest is foolish.

This reflex is similar to believing that should a mass murderer ever utter words like “We should all be kind to each other,” then that sentiment is immediately invalidated and should be ignored. At least, that’s how some critics would have it. Hopefully those of us capable of thought can avoid such an irresistible philosophical vortex.

Rather than pointing out some kind of hypocrisy and therefore invalidating the message, I think inconsistency serves to illustrate the problem even more. As an example: Al Gore preaches that we should reduce our carbon emissions, but he still consumes a lot of energy. He tries to fix it by going carbon neutral. It’s not perfect, but it shows that consumption is ingrained in our society and it’s difficult to avoid. At least it’s a step towards his stated ideals.

Using myself as an example: I nearly (just nearly?) have OCD over trying to reduce my consumption and the waste I generate, and yet I still found that there were very little options for environmentally-friendly book production methods. In fact, writing Where Did This Come From? I was mindful of that critique: you know, you’re creating a consumer object (a novel) while at the same time, bitching that people don’t know about their consumer objects.

That’s the whole point: I don’t know. I CAN’T know. Even though I’m thinking about it, even though I try, even though I put the questions out, I simply can’t trace it all back to its origin. That’s a problem as long as we don’t have laws, or laws that aren’t enforced, concerning environmental use and human rights.

Even if we can state what is the right thing to do, we might not be able to do it, based on the society in which we live or the options or technology available at the time. We have to start somewhere, and ideals are by definition, always out of reach, but by moving toward them, we make the world a better place.

Nothing gets done if you sit back and wait to make a move until everything is perfect and consistent.

It’s doubtful that the knee-jerks criticizing Al Gore would support any environmental movement even if the ground-work was already laid for consistent and easy action where everyone could go carbon-zero immediately. That’s what makes those critiques worthless, and that’s what makes those who brave their lame comments pioneers.

I’m not satisfied with rampant energy consumption and then purchasing one’s way to carbon-neutrality. That defeats the purpose. We need to reduce consumption and increase the quality of what we do consume. Those are both things we can do now, Al Gore included.

Related: I am looking into carbon-offsetting my novel, and donating a portion of each sale to carbon-emission reduction projects. More on that as details are finalized.

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Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Also, for a limited time, Where Did This Come From? is available as an eBook for only ONE DOLLAR. Visit Larry Nocella's website at http://www.larrynocella.com/.