Obama's Berlin Speech: Obama Gets an F in Global Douche-Baggery. Fox News reports, "Much like Hitler, Obama riles huge crowd of Germans."

The mainstream media is reporting that Obama went to Berlin and made an inspiring speech. They're focusing on what happened, but that's only half the picture.

They're not telling the full story. The half they are missing is what Obama do NOT do.

A brief list of some specifics:
1. He didn't laugh about bombing another country. (McCain did)
2. He didn't joke about killing the civilians in another country. (Whacky Mac again)
3. He didn't try to massage another world leader as if they were horny college kids. (Bush did)
4. He didn't mangle the English language. (Bush)
5. Lost a city (Bush-Katrina-New Orleans) Etc.

In short, what happened was Obama gave a rousing speech. What DID NOT happen was he didn't act like McBush and embarrass America or us Americans on a global stage. In fact, he actually made us sound pretty cool, which is a refreshing change from our current president, who seems intent on making the world hate us. I guess he's really jonesing for yet another "new Pearl Harbor" that will result in dead Americans but help his buddy John "Whacky Mac" McCain.

I hope this keeps up! How great would it be for Europeans to say, " Yor presdent ya kool" instead of "Vy ist yor presdent so eedyot?"

UPDATE: This blog was originally posted on Friday July 25, 2008. The title makes a joke about Fox comparing Obama speaking in front of Germans to Hitler. Last night (Monday July 28, 2008) Fox news pundit Charles Krauthammer did exactly that. How sad that a JOKE ends up being on Fox for real. Oh Fox, you're so asinine and so predictable. Since we're on the topic of people calling each other nasty German stereotypes, I won't make a big deal of the fact that your name is "Kraut-hammer."

MORE UPDATING: Unfortunately, Ben Stein, washed-up gameshow host, also made the Nazi connection on CNN two days prior (Wednesday July 23, 2008.) Sometimes I can't believe how many people make money just commenting on who they think is going to win the election. Does anyone care what they think? Does their opinion on who is going to win the horse race mean anything? Affect anything?

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Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Where Did This Come From? is also available as an eBook. For more info, visit Larry Nocella's website at http://www.larrynocella.com/.

Didjya hear? The Iraq War was really about... OIL! (Really!)

Lately I've been disturbed by how some journalists hide behind standards so much that they can't state an obvious truth.

I'll refer to one specific example, a paragraph deep in the New York Times article, Deals With Iraq Are Set to Bring Oil Giants Back by Andrew E. Kramer on June 19, 2008. The article explains how after several decades absent from oil-rich Iraq, huge oil firms are gearing up to return thanks to contracts offered by the US-backed Iraqi government.

The article is some fine reporting until we get to this contender for Understatement of the Century: "There was suspicion among many in the Arab world and among parts of the American public that the United States had gone to war in Iraq precisely to secure the oil wealth these contracts seek to extract. The Bush administration has said that the war was necessary to combat terrorism. It is not clear what role the United States played in awarding the contracts; there are still American advisers to Iraq’s Oil Ministry."

In other words, we're still not quite sure that the USA vs. Iraq wars that began almost 20 years ago with King Bush the First are about oil. In fact, we're not sure even though the same article states the contracts the US oil firms have been awarded are "no bid" contracts, and all such contracts, by some irrelevant coincidence, went to American firms.

Yes, there have been "parts" of the American public who suspected the Iraq War(s) were simply to secure oil. Being one of those people, I can also tell you that I have another sneaking suspicion that up is up and down is down. In addition, I want to know what parts of the American public did NOT have the suspicion that military action in Iraq was about oil. Why? Because I need to alert them to the fact that my pubic hairs are currently on sale for a limited time, each one guaranteed to bring good luck, for a mere $10,000 each.

Even some people who were pro-Iraq War back in 2003 before this phase of it started, those few who were bluntly honest said, "Hey we need the oil, so we've got to take it." Regardless of pro or anti war stance, only people who were being deliberately dishonest or diplomatic to the point of dishonesty said the war was NOT about oil.

However, let's give the NYT a benefit. Maybe we walk in different circles. Maybe the people I hang with are distrustful of lies told to them by habitual liars. Maybe my crew is an extra paranoid bunch and when a guy whose family has gotten wealthy off oil decides to launch a war for an oil rich country, well, we're naturally going to be suspicious. It's what we do. Maybe it's just that I associate with folks who, after the 100th different lie is blown apart and the 1,000th new revelation that oil is being protected above everything else, always cry, "I give up. This darn war is about oil no matter what they say."

Anyway, it's not just the NYT I want to lash with my witty sarcasm, it's the standards of mainstream journalism. How is it that they are so timid? How is it that the New York Times, one of the most powerful media outlets in the world, can't just say it for what it is? How is it that when someone spouts bullshit in my life I can just say "You're a liar," but in the media world, they will say anything but? In fact, I'd like to try an experiment. I wonder if Bush just came out and said "I'm a liar," if the NYT would still hesitate to call him a liar.

Okay, so maybe the comparison is oversimplified, but why can't journalism take the bullshit-calling technology of average folk and apply it to their life? Why can't the NYT just say, "The fact that the no-bid contracts are going only to American companies from Iraq's American-advised Oil Ministry is another point in favor of those who believe the Iraq War was primarily about oil."

Maybe I'm not even living up to my own standard here, so let me call it: The President has the corporate media where he wants them. They can't criticize him too harshly or he'll just refuse to talk to them. Then how will they write the story? So the press tip-toes lightly to preserve that all-important access.

That's why I think there should be mandated press conferences with the President, with people selected at random, not reporters, given access. The whole concept of a "Washington Press Corps" to me smells anti-democratic. Of course they're going to form an ass-kissing clique. Those randomly selected citizens would be able to ask whatever question they like and the whole thing would be televised.

The random selection of the participants would be key. Meaning, they would have to be stocked with real people, not obvious tools as in a bogus McCain "town hall" meeting.

Until the world accepts my superb idea, we can rely on big media for their access to the powerful, but we sure can't rely on them for a tough analysis. For that, I'll turn to blogs and internet forums.

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Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Where Did This Come From? is also available as an eBook. For more info, visit Larry Nocella's website at http://www.larrynocella.com/.

Goodbye from World's Biggest Polluter via the World's Biggest Asshole AND Big Air vs. Big Oil AND "Let Them Eat Cake" for a New Generation

There was so much in the news today that warranted comment, I just had to break from my roughly (VERY roughly!) bi-weekly blog entry schedule to share some thoughts.


Goodbye from World's Biggest Polluter via the World's Biggest Asshole
Have the Repugnant-Cons decided that their way to cling to power is to make the most inappropriate and lame ass jokes possible, thereby removing any doubt that they are lunatics who don't care who lives or dies as a result of their thoughtless actions?

I think they have! Observe Bush, saying "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter" as he leaves the G8 summit. It's pure tragicomedy. The tragedy comes from this powerful man who considers that polluting the entire planet, destroying the only thing ALL of us (including him) have is some kind of light-hearted laughing matter. The comedy is that the USA is no longer the biggest polluter. According to the article, China is. Even in arrogance, he can't get the facts straight. What an asshole.


Big Air vs. Big Oil
I once read a theory on why animal attacked by a predator screams. I can't remember the source or I would quote it, but the question posed was, what basis is there for expending energy to scream when all your strength should be concentrated on struggling to get away? The answer speculated upon was that the screaming could be a way of attracting other predators. This will cause the two predators to fight over the potential food, giving the screaming animal time to escape.

In short, there's no way a prey animal can win in a one on one fight versus a predator. The prey has to get the predators to fight each other in order to survive. Stretching that analogy further explains in my mind why the Enron scandal blew up into such a big deal.

Rich corporations (predators) have been attacking their workers (prey) for years and it's never been worth commenting on to the wealthy media and political species. However, the criminals at Enron were so greedy, they didn't just steal from the workers, they even ended up stealing from the rich people who invested in them. That's what led to the outrage from the media, the government, etc. Poor people can be (and are) trampled in bulk every day in human history and it doesn't merit a news story, but when the rich get screwed by one of their own, now that's an injustice.

So I was very excited when I opened my email this morning and found a letter from twelve Airline CEOs demanding more regulation of oil speculation. Summarized: oil speculation is the trading that occurs prior to the oil being sold to someone who is actually going to use it. Each time the oil is traded, it becomes more expensive. Without much regulation, that trading prior to someone using the oil can occur enough to drive the oil prices sky high, before anyone who is actually going to use the oil buys it. Imagine that! One industry calling for regulation of another! Awesome.

So years and years of the average consumer screaming about petrol prices has resulted in... nothing. But now that a fellow predator (Big Air is slimy) is attacking another predator (Big Oil is the slimiest) we can expect to see some change. So it is in the USA, where corporations rule too much.

Visit the site and stick it to Big Oil. Big Air is a bunch of jerks, too, but NO ONE is worse than Big Oil. Go to http://www.stopoilspeculationnow.com/.


"Let Them Eat Cake" for a New Generation
I know, I know. There's all kinds of debate as to whether Marie Antoinette said her famous line. The story may be false, but it has its uses (like religion.)

Regardless of if she actually said "Let them in cake," in response to being told the peasants were revolting because they had no bread, it clearly fits the mind-set of out-of-touch fortunates like her. In short, it doesn't matter if she said it or not, because Phil Gramm just did.

Who's Phil Gramm? Presidential McCandidate John McCain's top economic adviser. Gramm claims the U.S. economy is doing great, that the recession we're in exists only in the imaginations of the depressed and the U.S. is a bunch of whiners.

Hey Phil! First, shut up. Second, you're probably worth a few million or you wouldn't have been selected to be an insane presidential candidate's top economic adviser, so what do you know about what is and isn't in recession? Third, who cares if we're in recession or not? What's important is the lack of a social safety net. I've got a great job, but one downsize, one favoritism that saves someone else's job and gets met laid off, I'm on hard times without much help.

"Let them eat cake," Phil says, to which I say, hey Phil, eat THIS.

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Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Where Did This Come From? is also available as an eBook. For more info, visit Larry Nocella's website at http://www.larrynocella.com/.

Viral Cynicism (or, In Search of the Original Terrorist Fist-Jab)

Where everything is for sale, every communication needs to be evaluated as though it is advertising.

That thought came to me after thinking a bit about viral engineering. Not the biological kind, I mean the viral videos that prowl the internet. Some are natural, spontaneous, stupid videos that someone put together or caught on camera that are hilarious and get passed on a lot. Contrast that with those that are engineered. They are made to look spontaneous, but they're carefully choreographed and injected into the internet video stream to hopefully generate discussion and function as free advertising, a virus that gets your point across.

It's the internet's answer to the publicity stunt. It might even be simpler than that: it's the same old publicity stunts, simply harnessing the individual's power of the internet instead of the relatively fewer newspaper gossip columns.

I'm not really sure it's a bad thing to catch a video virus even if it is engineered. After all, you get entertainment out of it. What's really dangerous is when its propaganda.

For example, yet another throw-away-blonde from the Fox News network (E.D. Hill) referred to Obama's fist bump as a "terrorist fist-jab." This was hilarious on many levels. The first is that it served as yet another tally in the mounting evidence that TV news pundits are terrifically out-of-touch. Anyone who has even a toe outside the ivory tower knows that the fist bump is the modern high-five, a congratulatory gesture friendly to germophobes.

What added to the hilarity was the naked and feeble attempt at labeling Obama a terrorist. I challenge anyone to find a reference to a "terrorist fist-jab," or any video or image of terrorists (and ONLY terrorists) performing the gesture prior to Bimbo the Wonder Pundit calling it such. I almost feel sorry for her, she was clearly just doing what her bosses at Fox had instructed: trying at all costs to paint Obama as a terrorist. Her reward? They eliminated her show. Swim with sharks, E.D. and eventually they'll eat you. See you in Maxim.

Fox fools have tried and failed at viral engineering as well. Bill O'Reilly wrote a shitty book (Culture Warrior) in an effort to get his label "SP's" (Secular Progressives) to catch on as convenient slang for American enemies of America, like the word "communist" once functioned. Ann Coulter has found some kind of publishing success pandering to her hateful idiot fan base by calling fellow Americans "liberals" and treating it as an insult. So Bill tried to dish out the same bigotry.

It's clear the hate-marketers feel their dumbass fans are unable to think about any subject that does not invoke a good guy vs. bad guy narrative. I can just picture a Fox News viewer upon accidentally encountering reality, where it is not clear who is wrong or right: "God dammit," he laments, "Who am I supposed to hate?"

Anyway, getting back to engineered viruses: Another suspect is the LEGO creation of a giant boulder and a re-enacting of the scene from the original Indiana Jones. This video seemed to surface (May 16, 2008) a little closely with release of the latest Indiana Jones movie (May 22, 2008) AND with the release of the LEGO Indiana Jones video game (June 3, 2008). Coincidence or viral engineering?

Another fake viral suspect? Tim McGraw ousting an unruly fan. What really made me think this one was suspicious was at one point during the video, McGraw cocked back his fist so far it could have been seen from space. It was very dramatic and reminded me of pro-wrestling's slow moving theater. It also happened to coincide with his song's lyrics, "I ain't lookin' for trouble..." How convenient. Millions of people watched the video and thought to themselves, "Wow, what a good guy." News networks picked up the video (that's where I saw it) and provided him free advertising for his albums.

Here's where we come to the true infection of the fake viral: cynicism. Maybe Tim McGraw really is a good guy, maybe he was ousting a truly unruly fan. But viral cynicism has infected me, so I question it. He's not really helping get rid of an asshole, he's just trying to get his name in the news.

Thinking cynically of the LEGO video, was it a bunch of dudes getting a crazy fun idea with LEGOs and Indiana Jones? Nah, it's just to get a buzz going about some new products.

It's cynical, but that's the damage done when a society tries to inject advertising into everything. Kurt Vonnegut said, "What passes for culture in my mind is really a bunch of commercials."

So here we are: what's real? What's spontaneous and what's fabricated? We'll never really know (except in the case of the clumsy efforts at Fox.) It's harmless when I consider a LEGO project or a singer's chivalry. But when someone uses it as propaganda, then we've moved from publicity stunts to slander.

I'm skeptical by nature, so maybe it's just me. Why be so damn thoughtful about it? If it's a free video and makes you laugh, makes you smile, enjoy it as such and leave it at that. As long as they stay in the realm of entertainment, fine, but once they move into the world of politics, of factual news, then the virals deserve the cynicism necessary to learn anything in that field.

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Larry Nocella is the award-winning author of the novel Where Did This Come From? available at Amazon and Xlibris and other fine online book stores. Where Did This Come From? is also available as an eBook. For more info, visit Larry Nocella's website at http://www.larrynocella.com/.